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Growing Up Without Close Friends

Understanding the 7 Traits That Shape Us as Adults (Through the Lens of the LUUUTT Model)

Every story has layers, and many remain untold. For those who grew up without close friends, the impact of those formative years often shapes adult life in ways we might not fully understand. However, by recognizing these influences, we can appreciate the depth and resilience that emerge from such experiences. As a narrative therapist, I apply the LUUUTT model from the Coordinated Management of Meaning (CMM) theory, developed by Barnett Pearce and Vernon Cronen in the 1980s, to make sense of how these traits manifest.

Interestingly, I was reintroduced to CMM in supervision last night by Claire, my clinical supervisor.   I originally was I traduced to this whilst studying systemic Couples and Family  Therapy at the Institute of Family Therapy .We discussed how the LUUUTT model could be particularly helpful in reflecting on a client’s experiences and the layers of stories that might remain untold or unheard. This sparked the inspiration to explore how this framework can apply to the experiences of those who grew up without close friends.

The LUUUTT model helps us unpack Lived stories, Untold stories, Unheard stories, Unknown stories, Told stories, and Storytelling. Each trait developed from a friendless childhood reflects layers of untold or unheard stories that still influence who we become.

Here are seven traits that often emerge in adults who grew up without close friends, seen through the lens of the LUUUTT model:

  1. Self-Reliance
    Their lived stories of solitude likely created a deep sense of self-reliance. Although these stories may go untold, they lead to an independent, problem-solving approach in adulthood. The ability to tackle life’s challenges solo is a testament to their strength.
  2. Value for Deep Connections
    Their desire for deep, meaningful relationships reflects an unheard story—the yearning for intimacy and closeness that may have been absent in childhood. This search for genuine connection becomes their driving force in adulthood, transforming their narrative.
  3. Creativity
    As children, they may have developed a rich inner world, a lived story of imagination. These creative outlets, often unknown to others, become invaluable in adulthood, allowing them to approach life with unique problem-solving skills and artistic flair.
  4. Comfort with Solitude
    An obvious outcome of their experience, comfort with solitude represents the told stories of their past, where they learned to enjoy their own company. Though others may not understand this comfort, it fosters self-reflection and personal growth.
  5. Keen Observers
    By remaining on the periphery of social circles, they honed a skill for observation. Their ability to observe untold stories of others, noticing subtle cues, enriches their relationships with empathy and deeper understanding in adulthood.
  6. Adaptability
    Their ability to adapt comes from a childhood spent navigating different environments without a close-knit group. These lived but unknown stories highlight the flexibility they developed, allowing them to thrive in diverse situations as adults.
  7. Independence
    Finally, independence reflects a told story of autonomy. From an early age, they learned to rely on themselves, shaping their path with determination. The unknown stories of internal struggle often go unseen but shape the resolute individuals they become.

The LUUUTT model allows us to explore how the untold, unheard, and unknown aspects of their early lives influence the stories they live today. By understanding these layers, we can appreciate the profound strength and resilience that come from these experiences.

At Therapy Partners, we’re here to help you navigate and rewrite your story. If you’re looking to explore how your past has shaped your present and how you can take charge of your future, our team is ready to support you on this journey. Together, we’ll uncover the stories that matter most.

For more information on Narrative Therapy and how it can help in understanding your personal story, visit the Narrative Therapy Institute in Adelaide.

Visit Therapy Partners for more information and to start your journey today.

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